Making time for reflection

Making time for reflection

by | Jan 20, 2022 | Blog, Coaching, Facilitation, Review, Tool

Seasoned runners know that whilst sometimes it can be hard to motivate yourself to get out of the door, you never regret making the effort.

I think the same applies to making time to reflect and review how things are going. It often feels like THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO and not enough time. When I’ve been brought in as a facilitator to help a team reflect or review I often encounter resistance, irritation and impatience about stopping doing things to step back and think about how they are going. But I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say, after we’ve done a review, that it hasn’t been a good use of their time.

Maybe those who don’t find it useful are being polite and keeping quiet. But research has consistently shown that regular 15 min a day reflection on performance increases productivity by around 20%. So the real question I find myself asking is how can we afford not to make time for review?

I can be as guilty of this as everyone else. I rush around doing, doing, doing – not making enough time to sit still and really look and reflect. I run up and down mountains (literally, sometimes) but it’s sitting by the lakeside in the valley (like Wasdale above) or next to a summit tarn, like this cracker (below) on Haystacks, that we can find the calm and beauty we’re really looking for.

So assuming you’re not already regularly reflecting on your work (and if you are then please get in touch and share your tips – I’d love to hear them) you might be thinking – but how can I do it? And when can I fit it in?

There are three times when I’ve found it’s helpful to reflect, both for myself and with the individuals and teams I coach:

1) Post-event: the positive post-mortem held soon after significant events/ incidents when it is important to learn from experience – this might be when something went wrong or after an important new project.

2) Weekly – personally I try and find at least 30-45 mins each week to jot down notes on what I’ve discovered and might do as a result.

3) Termly – I plan my work in three terms each year and at the end of each, before I take a break, I spend around half a day undertaking a more thorough review of the past 3-4 months.

Below I’ve shared some of the tools and techniques I like to use in each of those scenarios…

1. The positive post-mortem

I regularly use two sets of reflective questions: both work for individuals or groups.

The longer version takes approx. 10-15 mins and comes from an RD1st exercise. I regularly use these questions when coaching, as well as for myself. They are beautifully simple:

It is important when doing this exercise to do two things:

Focus on action the focus on what you did rather than what happened, or what someone else did. That’s because we can only control our actions so we are only responsible for what we did or chose not to do.

Focus on the positive – many of us tend to focus on what went wrong but don’t overlook what you did that worked well. We can learn just as much from what was successful as what was less successful and yet we repeatedly focus on learning (only) from mistakes. This framework encourages you to consider both aspects: what worked well, and less so. We start with successes because then we are often more resourceful and honest about the failures.

If you’re short on time, the first-aid or 2 min version of this is Here, There, Everywhere:

1) What is my key learning here?

2) How can I apply this learning in the near future?

3) Where else could I use that learning more widely in future?

The added benefit of doing a positive post-mortem is that I have always felt better after completing it, even when what I’m reviewing went seriously tits-up.

2. The weekly Learning Log

Over a decade ago now I was fortunate to benefit from the brilliant development opportunity that is the Clore Leadership Fellowship. During my first two-week residential course I felt like I was learning so much useful stuff I didn’t know how to retain and use it – and so I created a ‘learning log’.

This began life as a simple table with two columns: observation and action. Each nugget of learning I entered into the log had to have an implication or action. Rather than take copious notes from talks or books I read which I never re-read, I started capturing the key learning points instead.

I create one document per month and save them – sometimes re-reading the logs on a quarterly or annual basis to check if there’s anything I’ve forgotten to action.

That I have been doing this fairly religiously for over a decade now probably tells you how useful I find this (here’s the proof – look at all those folders full of learning!).

Being a bit of a geek – as you can probably tell from these folders – I’ve since moved this simple table online to a Toodledo list which means I can add to it from my smart phone anytime, without needing to access my laptop to write up a learning point.

3. The termly review

I plan on a termly and annual basis, usually April-March. Three-four months is a good horizon for coaching goals – and being a coach I create goals as the backbone of this planning. This gives me direction, and also something against which to evaluate progress.

I like to set aside a whole day at the end of each ‘term’ for this kind of review. I often start by looking at the data – including financial data (have I achieved my target income, what has been my average day-rate, how many days have I worked, how many new leads did I get etc), before moving onto more reflective questions.

Sometimes I’ll use the positive post-mortem questions for that review, other times I might use the 4 Fs model. Both of these are frameworks I use when facilitating team reviews for clients – they can work even better then colleagues discuss and compare their perspectives on these questions. Sometimes I might draw my responses to the questions too, rather than just write them.

There are many other tools and frameworks you can use – I like these ones because they are simple and quick to use. Using them well by being honest, making time to collect data and using them regularly is what is most important. Doing little, but often – that’s why it’s called reflective practice.

Building confidence: big leaps and baby steps

Building confidence: big leaps and baby steps

by | Jan 20, 2022 | Blog, Coaching, Confidence

Ever feel like you lack confidence?

Confidence, like trust to which it is closely related, is one of those slippery things that can take ages to grow and seconds to destroy. And whilst those around you might have bags of confidence in you, it’s not uncommon for us to have far less confidence in ourselves. Sometimes we might label this ‘imposter syndrome’, sometimes it wraps itself up as a critical voice or ‘saboteur’ like the ‘people-pleaser’. But at the heart of many of the psychological blocks that can limit our potential is self-confidence.

I’ve been thinking a lot about confidence recently, and in particularly how as a coach I can best support my clients to build theirs. When, at the start of a coaching relationship, I ask what a client wants to achieve through our work ‘more confidence’ is probably one of the most common responses I hear.

I’ve noticed many clients reporting they have ‘lost their nerve’ during Lock Down. People who have not been able to do things for a year or so, due to Lock Down, are finding them harder to resume: be that going on stage or speaking at public meetings. I’ve heard many women say similar things about returning to work after a break for maternity leave.When we stop practising the things in our lives that take nerve we can lose our confidence. When we stop stretching our comfort zone, it seems to shrink.

So as a coach I’ve noticed a few things it might be helpful to share from reflecting on progress of clients and my own experiences (which I’m able to share more freely, whereas coaching clients’ stories are confidential).

How can we build confidence?

The area in my own life where I’ve developed most confidence in recent years has been in the mountains. But I realise what I’ve learned (and earned) in the hills has built my confidence across my life and work.

I have walked with friends and family since I could walk, but it wasn’t until far more recently that I felt comfortable doing so alone. When my kids were younger the only way I could realistically get into the big hills was without them, so I did my first ever solo mountain walk in the Pyrenees in 2012. It was a day walk on a route I’d walked a few years earlier with my Dad so I knew was easy to navigate and within my comfort zone in terms of how technical it was. I was nervous but it felt so good to be back in those glorious hills. The following week I went a step further doing a solo day walk in the Massif Central and area I didn’t know at all. It was scary but exhilarating.

Taking a bigger leap can have bigger benefits…

Then in 2018 I took a big step forward: I had planned to do a long hike in the Lakes to visit some new fells, but woke to discover it had snowed overnight, adding winter conditions into the mix. Snow can cover paths making navigation harder, and progress slower. Icy rocks can lead to slips and you don’t want to bang your head in a fall or sprain an ankle in bitterly cold winter conditions with no phone reception. Then the cloud decided to top the hills too, meaning that I could find myself with limited visibility. Telling myself I would turn round if it felt too dangerous, I set off early that morning feeling really quite nervous. I left detailed info with my husband in the valley below (with the kids) about my planned route and texted him an update of my progress as I reached each stage, relieved that I had phone coverage in places. At least they would know where to find my frozen body if I slipped and knocked myself unconscious….😉

By late morning the cloud had lifted and I was euphoric. The snow covering meant the fells looked even finer than usual and I had not seen another soul: I felt like an alpine explorer. I walked for 10 hours over ridges and 12 mountains, finishing with sore legs but about a hundred times’ more confidence than I had at 8am that morning.

A year later I ran the Coast-to-Coast route, an adventure which more than any other liberated me from the lack of confidence that was holding me back. This 191 mile route saw me traverse the Lakes solo, then the Pennines and Dales before finally being joined by a friend for morale support on the final 2 legs over the NY Moors. I already knew some sections of the route, which helped a lot with confidence, but I also encountered crap weather (cloud and a lot of rain) which made everything harder and I had never run so far in my life – it was like doing a marathon a day for a week. This adventure gave me the confidence make some changes at work which I badly wanted but had felt incredibly scary. ‘If I can do that, I can do anything’ was my thinking.

What my adventures have taught me is about how to stretch out of my comfort zone. In the mountains it’s sometimes a psychological risk (as a woman I can be scared at times of the threat of male violence when I’m on my own in a forest, miles from other people) but usually safety considerations are of the physical kind. Neuroscience actually suggests the brain responds in the same way to both types of fear. What I’ve learned is that it’s easiest to grow confidence in small steps: just one new risk each time. That might be doing a route solo that you’ve done with others before or doing a route you know in winter conditions or the dark. If we combine too many new risks at once then we might be too scared to try. For example, I would not have planned that long solo walk had I known it would snow.

But also, if we do take bigger risks – whether by design or accident – our confidence can leap forward. Bigger risk, bigger reward. Last year I did my first solo wild camp and a day of rock-climbing: both terrifying but possibly the best confidence boost I’ve had yet.

Go outside your comfort zone, but not too far…

Back at work, I used to find facilitation nerve-wracking. Holding a space for a group to solve their own challenges and working out the best ways to enable equal, productive contributions can feel like herding cats. But I took up the challenge suggested by the Gamestorming team – to try a new technique or exercise each time I ran a session. Whilst it feels safer to stick with tried and tested tools I have discovered some great new techniques as a result and feel more confident to be playful and responsive with groups now.

So when I saw the Learning Zone model recently, it resonated for me. This simple model shows 3 concentric zones – with risk/fear increasing as the circles become bigger. I think we could replace the ‘term’ Learning Zone with Confidence-Building Zone: that place where small risks help us grow.

Back to coaching, there are two main techniques I suggest when clients want to grow confidence. The first is to find a small step that feels like progress, but reasonably safe to them. If that goes OK then they take another, and another. Alongside I suggest this keeping a simple list of times when I took a risk, or when I was confident and what happened. It can be any size of risk and in any part of your life. I genuinely believe confidence we grow beyond work often seeps through into our work lives.

Confidence can be contagious for other areas of life…

A coaching client (who knows I’m sharing this story) wanted to grow her confidence in work meetings. She finds social situations awkward at times and told me she’d found joining a new sports team really helped her self-confidence. And the little steps she took to dare herself to try new things each time in a work meeting helped her in incrementally begin to be able to participate in the way she wanted. As a facilitator I know a few tools to help people feel at ease in meetings, like saying something low-risk early because the longer it goes before you say something the more nervous you often get, and I’ve offered these to several clients wanting to build confidence in the big formal settings in which many find they lack confidence to speak up. They report back that these small first steps which feel easy, build confidence a little which then makes possible further steps. And they slowly grow their confidence, step by step.

So if you’re looking to grow your confidence, or experience, I’d suggest finding some small first steps that will stretch yourself. Small risks which, if it’s a bit bumpy, won’t put you at risk. Then try another step. And maybe when you’re feeling brave you might think about taking a leap…. And the great thing is they can be little steps outdoors just as much as in the boardroom.

And if you would like support on that journey – get in touch for a chat about coaching.

214 summits in 41 years….

214 summits in 41 years….

by | Dec 5, 2021 | Uncategorized

In January 2020 I did a sketch of some ideas I had for the year ahead; climbing Mont Blanc, trekking with my buddy Marianne through the Vanoise; going wild camping with the kids; bird-watching; doing a sub 21 min 5km; racing the 3 peaks; living more sustainably; growing veg down my allotment and having a second crack at the Abraham’s Tea Round (mental note: don’t lose Miyako this time). 

Pre-Pandemic Plans 2020

That drawing included a question-mark about completing my Wainwrights – it looks from the drawing like I had only 44 to go at the point but I wasn’t sure I really wanted to invest the time required to complete that challenge. The ones I had left were not glamourous or interesting, definitely ‘B-side’ mountains. I mean, who lists Grike among their favourite fells or Dodd? Wainwright refuses to even illustrate routes up Mungrisdale Common claiming its ‘natural attractions are of the type that appeal only to sheep […] There is little point in providing diagrams of ascent that will never be used.’ This wasn’t really ‘selling’ it to me…

But then CV19 hit and all those exotic plans had to be shelved, and my work dried up almost completely for 4-5 months. So with time on my hands I focussed on what I could do and decided to pick a few fells off over the summer when our family trip to the alps turned into a wet week by Ullswater and to spend a solo week in September ‘mopping up’ those hitherto overlooked mounds.  

Me up Cat Bells in 1979

It took Paul Tierney 6 days to run all the 214 summits listed in the 7 volumes of Wainwright’s Pictorial Guide to the Lakeland Fells. My first Wainwright was Cat Bells in 1979, and I finally climbed my 214th in May 2021. Some might say that taking 41 years is a bit lazy in comparison, but I like to think I’ve savoured them. And to be fair, there was a 20+ year gap when I did no hiking in the Lakes and I have also climbed many of those 214 many, many times. 

I climbed the first 90 or so between the ages of 5 and 16, walking with my parents and brother. My Dad completed his Wainwrights about 10 years ago and invited the whole family (which by then had expanded to include my two kids) to climb his final fell – Binsey – with him.

My parents and brother, plus my husband and kids, ‘conquering’ the mighty Binsey in 2009

You are supposed to choose a significant one to leave to last – lots of people chose Yewbarrow as it’s the final fell in the final volume. Or ‘Great End’ because of its name; or Scafell Pike because it’s the highest. I had never really planned doing the Wainwrights so there wasn’t much left to choose from by the stage I thought about a grand finale – so I chose Arnison Crag which is:

  1. Small and accessible so the family can come along
  2. Has lovely views
  3. Is the first fell in book one – so is suitably contrary to do last

It was only when I started climbing hills with my own kids – and my Dad started keeping a tally on an epic spreadsheet of which fells each family member had conquered – that the idea of completing them all even occurred to me. I remember reaching the 100 milestone a few years ago when I took Miyako up Pike O Blisco before a race we were doing the following day (our first Ultra I think – the Lakeland 55km in 2017). 

Since then I’d half-heartedly do a few new ones when I was in the Lakes, but I didn’t really like the idea of ‘ticking them off’. Why go to Mungrisdale Common when you could climb Pillar, I tended to think.  

Mungrisdale Common – a good place for sheep and headstands

Fleetwith Pike might have been the turning point – I remember climbing it on a long hot June day in 2018 when I’d walked the entire length of the Ennerdale-Buttermere ridge from Great Borne. I’d not done Fleetwith Pike before and so continued onto what looked (from Haystacks) like a bit of a runty fell. But it was a little cracker – and the view from the top is now one of my favourites – plus the views as you descend the ‘nose’ back to Buttermere. I don’t think I’d have bothered with it, had it not been a new one – so I decided to keep trying new ones in the hope I’d find some more gems. 

Ullscarf – enough said

Ullscarf was not one of those gems.  To be fair, I didn’t have high expectations. I’d done a jigsaw of the Harvey Map of the Lakes during LockDown and noticed Ullscarf was a large featureless lump. When we reached the summit plateau in low cloud and read the book for guidance on how to find the true summit, Wainwright wasn’t very helpful either claiming the summit is ‘utterly bleak even on a fine summer’s day’. On a wet and windy Autumn one, in low cloud, it’s drab. But the best part of that day was still to come – when the faint ‘path’ we were following down Ullscarf towards Dock Tarn disappeared into knee-deep heather and bogs. A few peat hags too. My Dad – who’d bravely tagged along – kept muttering something about last having been here in 1975 and feeling no need to come back for another 40 years. 

Is this really the summit? (turns out later – reviewing Strava – that it wasn’t quite, but we’re not going back)

But for every Ullscarf there’s been a Bannerdale Crags or Great Calva – maybe not as dramatic as Fleetwith Pike or the real A-listers like Great Gable or Blencathra but a decent little fell and definitely worth a visit – at least once. (I also, accidentally, became the Queen of Strava for Great Mell Fell which I clamoured up quickly one morning whilst on holiday recently.)

And – just between us – Mungrisdale Common wasn’t as bad as they said. Yes, we got our feet wet and yes, there’s not much to see in terms of a ‘summit’, but so long as you approach via Hall’s Ridge on Blencathra (which I admit is a bit of a long-way round) it’s a lovely walk. And it has nice views onto other fells. And it’s soft and grassy should you fancy doing a bit of yoga.

Lank Rigg was another much maligned fell – but we quite liked it. Quiet, grassy and remote. I’m not saying I’d chose it over Pillar as my favourite Western Fell, but it was a nice day out.

Lank Rigg – gets a bad press but the views are decent and at least it’s not too boggy or busy

So I left the Lakes in September 2020 deliberately holding back Arnison Crag so I could come back with the full family and celebrate my final fell in style. We’d planned to do this in November, but another Lock Down scuppered those plans. So it was late May 2021 when it was finally safe for two households to stay together again which meant my parents could come along. Sadly we couldn’t invite not my brother who was not only following the CV19 guidelines far better than the average PM but also ‘playing a blinder’ working in ICU looking after those suffering badly from CV19.

So just me, my husband and the kids (no longer in a papoose) with my parents made the hot climb up the tiny but splendid Arnison Crag. It might have taken 41 years, but I’d finally done it.

New opportunity: Virtual Action Learning Spring 2022

New opportunity: Virtual Action Learning Spring 2022

by | Nov 23, 2021 | Blog, Facilitation, Services, Training, Uncategorized

Virtual Action Learning offers a cost and time effective way to develop your skills and improve your impact at work. In Action Learning, a small group of peers come together regularly, for a finite period of time initially, to support one another to work through their work challenges and reflect on their learning. Using simple group coaching techniques, Action Learning enables fresh thinking and builds confidence.

When recent studies have shown reflective practice – at the heart of Action Learning – can improve performance by 23%, the real question is how can you afford not to do it?

No previous experience is necessary – in our first session we’ll cover what Action Learning is, how it works and you’ll have an opportunity to try it out and meet the rest of the group. 

Participants will be asked to sign up to the principles of action learning, which include working in a non-judgmental, supportive and confidential learning space, and to attend a minimum of five of the six sessions. In return we offer you:

  • A three-hour introductory training session covering the foundations of Action Learning and opportunity to practice the core skills of active listening and open questions.
  • A PDF Action Learning handbook to support you during and beyond the sessions.
  • Five 2hr follow-on monthly Action Learning sessions via Zoom.
  • Support from a highly experienced Action Learning facilitator/ trainer, including advice and resources about how to set up your own set after this series.
  • Access to a regular safe and creative space to think through your own challenges in a reflective and solutions-focussed way
  • Opportunity to practice and develop your reflective learning techniques and coaching skills to improve your own and others’ performance
  • A supportive community of practice working together over a six-month period
  • Pay What You Can rate for anyone earning less than UK average wage (or self-employed equivalent).

If, after the first session, you decide Action Learning is not for you then you are under no obligation to continue and will just be charged £25 for the intro session.

By the end of the sixth session the group can decide to complete its work together – or may choose to carry on independently, self-facilitating using the skills and experience you will have developed.

Previous sets have included people with a wide range of experience from across the cultural and wider non-profit sector including self-employed coaches, creative consultants and producers and those working inside organisations in a variety of roles.

The workshop will be facilitated by me – Claire Antrobus. I’ve been involved with Action Learning as a trained facilitator and participant for over a decade. 

“Action Learning really is a gift – when work and life become chaotic, difficult or disrupted – having structured support, time and space to reflect and share, warmth and connections has made a significant difference. It has really developed my active listening skills and given my working practices a reboot. I’ve created new and lasting connections and I’ve learned so much from the other people in the group.” [current set member]

Practicalities

Intro session: 2-5pm Wednesday 26 January

Set meeting dates: 3-5pm on Tuesdays 1 March; 5 April; 3 May; 7 June & 5 July

Cost: £175 (or PWYC for those on less than UK average wage or self-employed equivalent)

To book your place or discuss whether this is for you please contact Claire directly.

Making meetings count

Making meetings count

by | Oct 19, 2021 | Blog, Facilitation

For a while I’ve had this book sitting on my ever-growing ‘to read’ pile, and earlier this week I finally picked it up and – my goodness – am I glad I did! 

In the way I recommend Nancy’s Kline’s ‘Time to Think’ as the most inspiring, simple and practical read for those wanting to understand coaching; ‘The Art of Gathering’ has that status of ‘if you read one book about…’ for facilitators or people organising public events.

Priya Parker’s book is a deceptively simple set of principles about how to create effective meetings or ‘gatherings’. It’s the kind of simple I like: a master practitioner takes a complex topic and breaks it down into the core principles – richly illustrated with great examples. These principles apply as much to work meetings or conferences as they do to artistic and public events, or social and family gatherings. Proving this point, Parker’s book draws on examples ranging from high level diplomatic conferences, to social events, theatre performances and stag dos.

I’d highly recommend reading the entire book itself. It only took me two long train journeys (about 6 hours) to read cover to cover; so there’s no excuse not to read the original. But to whet your appetite here is a quick précis of the headlines– set out under some of the key pieces of advice which each form a chapter:

Decide why you’re really gathering

The first question we need to answer when designing a meeting or event is why? What do you hope to achieve? Why are you meeting now? What’s your purpose – what do you want to be different as a result of the meeting/ event? Is it about making decisions, generating ideas, creating better trust between people? 

The answer to this question needs to be as specific and as exciting as possible. Ideally we need to start with an ExACT coaching-style goal – so help yourself to my ExACT worksheet folks, if that’s helpful. 

The clearer and more compelling the answer – the better.

In a later chapter Parker drills deeper into creating compelling events (‘Cause good controversy’) with tips about how best to surface the conversations that need to happen. The bottom-line is this takes time before an event. This reminds me  we need to resource that preparation and make time for it, rather than expecting the magic to happen just on the day itself.  I think clients and facilitators alike can underestimate this.

And as Parker says a meeting ‘category’ – such as Board awayday, team meeting, networking event –  is not a purpose. You need to dig deeper – what’s the desired outcome of that Board awayday? Keep asking why until you get to the heart of the matter.

Purpose must come first and inform every decision about form that follows.

Close doors

If you say you’re for ‘everyone’ or ‘anyone’ there is a serious risk you’re end up serving no-one well. Being clear about who needs to be involved, or who and event is for, means deciding who it is not for, including who might inhibit others or get in the way. 

Practically, there are limits to how many people can be involved in conversations. Parker suggests this is around 12-15, and fewer still for difficult conversations or decision-making.

‘Closing the doors’ is also about creating boundaries – making a space feel safe so that we can be honest, take risks etc. 

I’m going to quote from her directly here because I found what she says about defining who the event is for deeply resonated with some of the conversations I witness around purpose and audience strategy in cultural organisations:

‘… when you don’t root your gathering up front in a clear, agreed-on purpose, you are often forced to do so belatedly by questions of membership that often arise. This is what happened in [EXAMPLE] We didn’t think about what it was for until we found ourselves in an argument about who it was for. To be clear, I don’t recommend backing into purpose through the question of whom to invite. But the link between the two issues illustrates that the purpose of the gathering can remain somewhat vague and abstract until it is clarified by drawing the boundary about who is in and out. When you exclude, the rubber of purpose hits the road.’

Time and again I see cultural organisations internally debating the ‘who’. What this quote highlights for me is that this is really an indicator that there’s confusion around purpose that’s showing up when we get to the question of the guest list….

The other critical question about metaphorical ‘doors’ is location or venue. When I’m invited in to facilitate a venue has already been chosen, often on grounds of convenience or cost, and I find myself trying to salvage a way to make the space work for the purpose of the event, rather than hindering it.

Logistics and cost need to be considered, but choice of space can be a powerful enabler of a successful meeting or event. The venue should align with and enable the purpose – for example, if you want people to think differently and work in new ways that less likely to happen if you call them in to meet around the table they normally sit around for day-to-day business….

Don’t be a chill host

As the host – the person responsible for bring people together – you have power and responsibility. What are those responsibilities?  Parker suggests a good host will:

  • Connect guests or participants with one another
  • Equalize guests or participants
  • Protect your guests (including, from one another – imagine the garrulous Uncle pinning someone in the corner at a family wedding with his dull anecdotes)

Parker notes hosts sometimes abdicate that power through a mis-placed sense of modesty. But when we abdicate our power as hosts you don’t eradicate power – we create a vacuum that causes anxiety and confusion, or worst still allows someone else to take that power and that rarely serves the whole group. Instead a host needs to be comfortable with ‘generous authority’: the strong, confident hand that imposes rules on behalf of others.

Create a temporary alternative world

This chapter is full of fantastic examples of how temporary rules for a meeting or event can encourage different behaviours. Inviting playful and imaginative behaviour can create memorable and useful meetings and events, although it is important participants know what to expect before they arrive. Therefore, part of the role of the invitation is to prime the guests so they understand what they’re signing up to by coming along.

There’s a whole chapter about how we can encourage the authenticity needed to have productive conversations (‘Keep your best self out of my gathering’) packed with various examples ways to enable this.

The other very helpful distinction Parker makes in this section is about assumed and explicit norms of behaviour. When we don’t make our expectations about how to behave in a group explicit we are excluding others, especially those who might have different background of experience to the majority. By contrast when we spell out (and agree) how we want to behave then we enable equal participation. 

Never start a funeral with logistics (and Accept that there is an end)

The start and end have more impact than any other part of a meeting or event. Yet Parker notices how often we miss an opportunity to set the tone or engage participants by starting with a logistics announcement (‘before we start, in the event of a fire….’ Or ‘We would like to thank our sponsors…’). Why not start with a bang? 

She also reminds us that an event actually starts the minute participants hear of it – usually some time before they arrive in the room. It starts when the meeting request email is received for a team building event or the papers are sent out for a Board meeting. 

The mindset or mood in which participants arrive has a huge impact – for good or ill – on the event. Yes, a skilled facilitator can warm things up, but this then takes time which eats into the meeting or event; how much better people arrive ready and excited to contribute? 

Therefore Parker advises us not to miss that opportunity to ‘prime’ the participants, suggesting 90% of what makes a great event is put in place beforehand. This can be a simple ‘pre-game’ such as answering a few questions in advance or bringing along a small object as a talking point linked to the theme of the day. For events with high stakes or a need to shift the prevailing dynamic then Parker often uses a structured pre-event dinner designed to connect participants as people and enable them to be vulnerable and honest with one another. 

There are some brilliant examples in this section about how to prime and start events with a swing from naming, pre-games and use of metaphorical passageways.

Similarly she advises not to allow events to fizzle out – clear structured ending that allow processing of what has happened and preparation for follow-up after the event need to be carefully planned. 

What I love about this book is that it has helped me understand better what enables some events or meetings to really connect and reminded me of some pitfalls to avoid as a facilitator. It also provides examples of some very creative and simple formats or activities that can be used in a variety of contexts for meetings and events. 

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