Be more curious

Be more curious

by | Feb 15, 2022 | Blog, Stuckness, Training, Uncategorized

Things not going quite right with someone you’re working with but you’re not sure how to broach the topic? Worried about upsetting someone, but feeling increasingly frustrated by their behaviour or assumptions? 

Too often we allow things that are not working to continue unchecked for fear of damaging our professional relationships – and yet the longer we leave things, the harder they are to resolve.

Conversations that feel hard to initiate are sometimes referred to as ‘difficult conversations’ but they need not be hard. With a shift in how we’re looking at them and a couple of simple tools we can get things back on track. And if we practise having these conversations more often, before issues get harder to discuss, then we can save ourselves a lot of time and trouble.

Stop calling them ‘difficult’ conversations

If we go into a conversation thinking it’s going to be difficult then it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of assuming the other person is in the wrong, and that this will be awkward to discuss, it’s far easier and successful if we approach these as curious conversations.

Rather than assuming the other person is at fault, try staying curious about what the problem is and how it could work better.

Stay ‘curious’

There’s lots of great guidance about effective communication, and I’m a big fan of Marshall Rosenberg’s Non Violent Communication approach from which I’ve extracted some of the key principles into a mnemonic that spells CURIOUS:

Notice context comes first. If we want to resolve the issue we need to avoid the other feeling attacked or blamed, or they are likely to become defensive. If we’ve demonstrated a constructive intention clearly at the outset a (e.g. ‘I’m concerned how X went and I’d like us to think about how we can ensure next time there’s a Plan B in place. When is a good time for you to discuss this?’) we’re less likely to trigger a defensive reaction.

Also don’t skip owning your response. Too often we feel awkwardness about clearly outlining what the issue is for us for fear of upsetting someone. But stating clearly what the impact was on you – what need wasn’t met and how you felt – will help the other understand why this issue is important to you. Without this information there is a risk they might not fully understand why their behaviour is a problem for you and be less willing to change. 

Prepare a 3-step conversation

It is useful to think through carefully what we want to say about the impact of the issue on us, and what we’d like to request to be different in future so we can be really clear and avoid inflammatory language that might cloud the issue.

I suggest thinking about a conversation in 3 stages can be helpful:

I don’t recommend that you script the conversation in advance, but a few notes about the key points you want to make and questions you might ask to open up and explore can be helpful.

And don’t forget to wrap up the conversation with some actions: what are you agreeing to? What will each of you do or do differently in future? How and when might you check in that things are working better?

I hope you find these tools useful – if you try them out let me know how you get on. And feel free to share them, please just acknowledge the source and don’t seek to profit from them. Interested to find out more? I run a couple of courses which cover communication skills and styles, difficult conversations and how to give useful feedback – get in touch if you’d like to find out more.

214 summits in 41 years….

214 summits in 41 years….

by | Dec 5, 2021 | Uncategorized

In January 2020 I did a sketch of some ideas I had for the year ahead; climbing Mont Blanc, trekking with my buddy Marianne through the Vanoise; going wild camping with the kids; bird-watching; doing a sub 21 min 5km; racing the 3 peaks; living more sustainably; growing veg down my allotment and having a second crack at the Abraham’s Tea Round (mental note: don’t lose Miyako this time). 

Pre-Pandemic Plans 2020

That drawing included a question-mark about completing my Wainwrights – it looks from the drawing like I had only 44 to go at the point but I wasn’t sure I really wanted to invest the time required to complete that challenge. The ones I had left were not glamourous or interesting, definitely ‘B-side’ mountains. I mean, who lists Grike among their favourite fells or Dodd? Wainwright refuses to even illustrate routes up Mungrisdale Common claiming its ‘natural attractions are of the type that appeal only to sheep […] There is little point in providing diagrams of ascent that will never be used.’ This wasn’t really ‘selling’ it to me…

But then CV19 hit and all those exotic plans had to be shelved, and my work dried up almost completely for 4-5 months. So with time on my hands I focussed on what I could do and decided to pick a few fells off over the summer when our family trip to the alps turned into a wet week by Ullswater and to spend a solo week in September ‘mopping up’ those hitherto overlooked mounds.  

Me up Cat Bells in 1979

It took Paul Tierney 6 days to run all the 214 summits listed in the 7 volumes of Wainwright’s Pictorial Guide to the Lakeland Fells. My first Wainwright was Cat Bells in 1979, and I finally climbed my 214th in May 2021. Some might say that taking 41 years is a bit lazy in comparison, but I like to think I’ve savoured them. And to be fair, there was a 20+ year gap when I did no hiking in the Lakes and I have also climbed many of those 214 many, many times. 

I climbed the first 90 or so between the ages of 5 and 16, walking with my parents and brother. My Dad completed his Wainwrights about 10 years ago and invited the whole family (which by then had expanded to include my two kids) to climb his final fell – Binsey – with him.

My parents and brother, plus my husband and kids, ‘conquering’ the mighty Binsey in 2009

You are supposed to choose a significant one to leave to last – lots of people chose Yewbarrow as it’s the final fell in the final volume. Or ‘Great End’ because of its name; or Scafell Pike because it’s the highest. I had never really planned doing the Wainwrights so there wasn’t much left to choose from by the stage I thought about a grand finale – so I chose Arnison Crag which is:

  1. Small and accessible so the family can come along
  2. Has lovely views
  3. Is the first fell in book one – so is suitably contrary to do last

It was only when I started climbing hills with my own kids – and my Dad started keeping a tally on an epic spreadsheet of which fells each family member had conquered – that the idea of completing them all even occurred to me. I remember reaching the 100 milestone a few years ago when I took Miyako up Pike O Blisco before a race we were doing the following day (our first Ultra I think – the Lakeland 55km in 2017). 

Since then I’d half-heartedly do a few new ones when I was in the Lakes, but I didn’t really like the idea of ‘ticking them off’. Why go to Mungrisdale Common when you could climb Pillar, I tended to think.  

Mungrisdale Common – a good place for sheep and headstands

Fleetwith Pike might have been the turning point – I remember climbing it on a long hot June day in 2018 when I’d walked the entire length of the Ennerdale-Buttermere ridge from Great Borne. I’d not done Fleetwith Pike before and so continued onto what looked (from Haystacks) like a bit of a runty fell. But it was a little cracker – and the view from the top is now one of my favourites – plus the views as you descend the ‘nose’ back to Buttermere. I don’t think I’d have bothered with it, had it not been a new one – so I decided to keep trying new ones in the hope I’d find some more gems. 

Ullscarf – enough said

Ullscarf was not one of those gems.  To be fair, I didn’t have high expectations. I’d done a jigsaw of the Harvey Map of the Lakes during LockDown and noticed Ullscarf was a large featureless lump. When we reached the summit plateau in low cloud and read the book for guidance on how to find the true summit, Wainwright wasn’t very helpful either claiming the summit is ‘utterly bleak even on a fine summer’s day’. On a wet and windy Autumn one, in low cloud, it’s drab. But the best part of that day was still to come – when the faint ‘path’ we were following down Ullscarf towards Dock Tarn disappeared into knee-deep heather and bogs. A few peat hags too. My Dad – who’d bravely tagged along – kept muttering something about last having been here in 1975 and feeling no need to come back for another 40 years. 

Is this really the summit? (turns out later – reviewing Strava – that it wasn’t quite, but we’re not going back)

But for every Ullscarf there’s been a Bannerdale Crags or Great Calva – maybe not as dramatic as Fleetwith Pike or the real A-listers like Great Gable or Blencathra but a decent little fell and definitely worth a visit – at least once. (I also, accidentally, became the Queen of Strava for Great Mell Fell which I clamoured up quickly one morning whilst on holiday recently.)

And – just between us – Mungrisdale Common wasn’t as bad as they said. Yes, we got our feet wet and yes, there’s not much to see in terms of a ‘summit’, but so long as you approach via Hall’s Ridge on Blencathra (which I admit is a bit of a long-way round) it’s a lovely walk. And it has nice views onto other fells. And it’s soft and grassy should you fancy doing a bit of yoga.

Lank Rigg was another much maligned fell – but we quite liked it. Quiet, grassy and remote. I’m not saying I’d chose it over Pillar as my favourite Western Fell, but it was a nice day out.

Lank Rigg – gets a bad press but the views are decent and at least it’s not too boggy or busy

So I left the Lakes in September 2020 deliberately holding back Arnison Crag so I could come back with the full family and celebrate my final fell in style. We’d planned to do this in November, but another Lock Down scuppered those plans. So it was late May 2021 when it was finally safe for two households to stay together again which meant my parents could come along. Sadly we couldn’t invite not my brother who was not only following the CV19 guidelines far better than the average PM but also ‘playing a blinder’ working in ICU looking after those suffering badly from CV19.

So just me, my husband and the kids (no longer in a papoose) with my parents made the hot climb up the tiny but splendid Arnison Crag. It might have taken 41 years, but I’d finally done it.

New opportunity: Virtual Action Learning Spring 2022

New opportunity: Virtual Action Learning Spring 2022

by | Nov 23, 2021 | Blog, Facilitation, Services, Training, Uncategorized

Virtual Action Learning offers a cost and time effective way to develop your skills and improve your impact at work. In Action Learning, a small group of peers come together regularly, for a finite period of time initially, to support one another to work through their work challenges and reflect on their learning. Using simple group coaching techniques, Action Learning enables fresh thinking and builds confidence.

When recent studies have shown reflective practice – at the heart of Action Learning – can improve performance by 23%, the real question is how can you afford not to do it?

No previous experience is necessary – in our first session we’ll cover what Action Learning is, how it works and you’ll have an opportunity to try it out and meet the rest of the group. 

Participants will be asked to sign up to the principles of action learning, which include working in a non-judgmental, supportive and confidential learning space, and to attend a minimum of five of the six sessions. In return we offer you:

  • A three-hour introductory training session covering the foundations of Action Learning and opportunity to practice the core skills of active listening and open questions.
  • A PDF Action Learning handbook to support you during and beyond the sessions.
  • Five 2hr follow-on monthly Action Learning sessions via Zoom.
  • Support from a highly experienced Action Learning facilitator/ trainer, including advice and resources about how to set up your own set after this series.
  • Access to a regular safe and creative space to think through your own challenges in a reflective and solutions-focussed way
  • Opportunity to practice and develop your reflective learning techniques and coaching skills to improve your own and others’ performance
  • A supportive community of practice working together over a six-month period
  • Pay What You Can rate for anyone earning less than UK average wage (or self-employed equivalent).

If, after the first session, you decide Action Learning is not for you then you are under no obligation to continue and will just be charged £25 for the intro session.

By the end of the sixth session the group can decide to complete its work together – or may choose to carry on independently, self-facilitating using the skills and experience you will have developed.

Previous sets have included people with a wide range of experience from across the cultural and wider non-profit sector including self-employed coaches, creative consultants and producers and those working inside organisations in a variety of roles.

The workshop will be facilitated by me – Claire Antrobus. I’ve been involved with Action Learning as a trained facilitator and participant for over a decade. 

“Action Learning really is a gift – when work and life become chaotic, difficult or disrupted – having structured support, time and space to reflect and share, warmth and connections has made a significant difference. It has really developed my active listening skills and given my working practices a reboot. I’ve created new and lasting connections and I’ve learned so much from the other people in the group.” [current set member]

Practicalities

Intro session: 2-5pm Wednesday 26 January

Set meeting dates: 3-5pm on Tuesdays 1 March; 5 April; 3 May; 7 June & 5 July

Cost: £175 (or PWYC for those on less than UK average wage or self-employed equivalent)

To book your place or discuss whether this is for you please contact Claire directly.

Pin It on Pinterest